After the doctor's appointment, we met up with Dad and Toni, Alicia, and the girls for lunch. Toni took me aside and was very upset. Patti had tried to talk to Toni before she came to lunch and she was telling Toni that they were looking into putting Mama into a assisted living situation for the week she was going to be gone. Toni was so upset she was fighting back tears. She wanted to share the burden she was feeling with me but we were in the middle of a restaurant with a lot going on. She wanted to call me later. This information just stirred up what I was feeling even more. I took Mama and Daddy back to their home and tried to keep my emotions in line. My husband keeps encouraging me to just be the most loving, patient, and gentle with Mama and try not to think about the politics!!! He is such a wise husband! As I went to leave, Daddy started to tell me about this week long living situation. I shared with him that Toni and I were both against any plans of that sort and we would be covering the five days during the week. I felt sure we could make arrangements for the nights and weekend even if we hired someone. It didn't seem like my suggestions were heard. I cried all the way home out of frustration and it all feels like such a "loss"...loss of my Mama, loss of my relationship with Daddy, loss of the family unity...oh my Father...I need you! I need your comfort and your mercy!
Wednesday, while with the babies a friend calls and tells me she is at the doctor's office with my Dad and asks the dates for the vacation in August. Dad is talking with the doctor about making arrangements for him and Mama to go to assisted living of some sort. I shared with her how Toni and I wanted to have a family meeting to discuss other options. She said she would hold off on giving the dates out to give us time to sort all this out....Lord, I know in my heart this was YOU!!! But then on the heels of this Satan steps into the picture... Patti called me to say she had cancelled Thursday's appointment with Mama's neurologist...because this stupid hospice care group has found a loop hole and entered Mom into the program as "terminal" insurance won't pay for the neurologist....INSANITY! Patti and I argued and she was screaming at me and I hung up on her....very adult on all sides:( I hate acting like that! Lord Jesus please forgive me for I know you want me to go in peace. Well, there again is the stirring of the pot of emotions...oh, how I wish, and I am trying to lay it all at your feet dear Father.
Thursday I got to Mama's and Patti would not speak to me even look my way...another division, another loss. Later, in the morning I was asking Daddy what was his plans for the day and he told me he and Patti were taking Mama to the doctor. I asked to go and he told me NO! Well, that hurt! I tried to talk to him about the questions Toni and I had for the doctor and he said he would ask them but we know everything gets lost in translation. I had not choice but to say OK and give it to God...my hands are tied and there is duck tape over my mouth. Of course, Dad called me that evening to tell me all was good...all our questions had been answered and he was happy...but our questions were not answered and again, I feel bitter, betrayed, lost, lonely. Oh, my Lord, I know you are here with me and Mama and for me and Mama...we are your beloved and I know your heart is aching that I can not be at peace. I need you immeasurably more than I can put into words!
Toni called on Friday and wanted to tell me that she witnessed God's hand in the situation. Apparently the nurse from this agency and a social worker came over to talk about the same thing...a week in a facility. The social worker wanted them to sign the papers right then but THANK YOU JESUS they didn't. Plus, they would only accept Mama for the weekdays which Toni and I have covered. After they left, Bob G. came over. Daddy was telling him about the meeting, telling him how he didn't know what to do...though Toni and I have offered many good ideas...and Bob told him that he had already said he was going to work on the situation. He was confident that he could make good arrangements keeping them, for that week, in the house or the village. Then Toni, overhearing the conversation, asked if she could comment. She repeated that her and I were going to take the week and that there were many options. Bob agreed, wrote down dates, and told Daddy to sit steady in the boat. Toni and I both felt like Nancy being with Dad on Wednesday and calling me, the social worker only being able to house Mama for the weekdays, and then Bob being there once when I was there and listening and then Friday when Toni was there and said the same thing as me was God working on this whole situation.
I called Tenny on Saturday and asked her about scripture that would meet my need...praying and God intervening. She said to read Daniel 10...also read about Daniel in the Lion's den...they had no hope but God accomplished HIS will even though all was against it. God can prevail, he can bring about HIS will no matter who tries to block in or makes bad decisions because the motives are not God's will. I have to continue to look at my heart and make sure it is pure. Is my heart wanting God's will for Mama? Are my motives for her pure? Am I in my war room doing battle with God for her? Am I practicing a faithful servant and am I asking God to stand with me and help me? Am I growing or grumbling? I have a lot of work ahead but "will press on towards the prize" for I do know this is what my Lord wants and requires of me!!
I looked up and there before me was a man dressed in linen, with a belt of fine gold from Uphaz around his waist.
6 His body was like topaz, his face like lightning, his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and his voice like the sound of a multitude.
7 I, Daniel, was the only one who saw the vision; those who were with me did not see it, but such terror overwhelmed them that they fled and hid themselves.
8 So I was left alone, gazing at this great vision; I had no strength left, my face turned deathly pale and I was helpless.
9 Then I heard him speaking, and as I listened to him, I fell into a deep sleep, my face to the ground.
10 A hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees.
11 He said, “Daniel, you who are highly esteemed, consider carefully the words I am about to speak to you, and stand up, for I have now been sent to you.” And when he said this to me, I stood up trembling.
12 Then he continued, “Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.
13 But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia.
14 Now I have come to explain to you what will happen to your people in the future, for the vision concerns a time yet to come.”
15While he was saying this to me, I bowed with my face toward the ground and was speechless.
16 Then one who looked like a man touched my lips, and I opened my mouth and began to speak. I said to the one standing before me, “I am overcome with anguish because of the vision, my lord, and I feel very weak.
17 How can I, your servant, talk with you, my lord? My strength is gone and I can hardly breathe.”
18 Again the one who looked like a man touched me and gave me strength.
19 “Do not be afraid, you who are highly esteemed,” he said. “Peace! Be strong now; be strong.” When he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, “Speak, my lord, since you have given me strength.”
20 So he said, “Do you know why I have come to you? Soon I will return to fight against the prince of Persia, and when I go, the prince of Greece will come;
21 but first I will tell you what is written in the Book of Truth. (No one supports me against them except Michael, your prince.
